Time and again I’ve read about the importance of knowing who you are before taking on a serious relationship and, of course, marriage. Since I’ve been having a nagging fear that I will never in a thousand years be ready for anybody, I have decided to make some lists. One is a list of things that I know for certain about myself (as you’ll see, it’s a bit choppy and confusing, it was surprisingly uncomfortable to write), one of things that I know that I want in somebody that I would be serious with, and a list of non-essentials that I’ve put on nearly every ‘prince charming’ list I’ve ever made.
What I Know About Myself:
I believe everyone screws up everyday.
I believe we give ourselves permission to be angry at times when we shouldn’t.
I’m scared of making someone miserable in a relationship.
I’m scared of getting hurt in a relationship.
I’m scared of thinking too highly of myself.
I believe that I’m smart.
I believe that I’m pretty.
I believe that, while I’m aware that I have uncountable faults (like anybody), I do have pure intentions, I have an understanding of who I am, what I’m for and what I want out of life, and I will always act on what is best for the people I care about. Because of this, I believe I’m worth pursuing.
I don’t curse. Ever. Because I think it would make me seem less ladylike, and I was raised to wince at the sound of a curse coming from my own mouth.
I always do what I know is right, but I’m always severely tempted to do what is selfish first and foremost.
I’m scared of dying.
Sometimes I lie to make it sound like I’m concerned about someone’s feelings when my mind is elsewhere entirely.
I know that I’m excellent at reading people, and profiling them. And, keeping with the pattern of honesty, I think I could become the best criminal profiler in the world (and be a lot less full of it than John Douglas…Yep, I read ‘Mind Hunter’, I was split in two between complete awe and admiration and total disgust and irritation.)
I think so far I’m starting to sound pretty arrogant. And I’m considering editing a few things so I appear more likeable. But those of you who know me best will read right through any edits, so I’m scared to try to falsify anything.
I believe in God.
What I Know I Want In A Husband:
Someone who is empathetic to those around him.
Someone with high morals and no criminal background.
Someone with ambition, who has a goal he wants to fulfill in life, a career.
Someone who loves his work.
Someone who wants to have children, but is willing to wait for them.
Someone who doesn’t have a flaring temper (this one is essential.)
Someone who can blatantly tell me the truth about myself.
Someone who can easily forgive.
Someone who knows that money isn’t everything, and that it’s okay when you lose it all, as long as you don’t turn your back on the people who matter while you get back on your feet (my mother taught me this when we were living in a mobile home.)
Someone who knows who he is.
Someone with faith, a Christian.
Someone who can tell me when I’m wrong and not hold back (and not be hostile while they’re at it.)
Someone who reads the morning paper. Every morning.
Someone who knows his literature.
Someone who doesn’t mind my frequent hugging.
Someone with a routine. (Studies have shown that this sort of stability is essential for optimum psychological health in children during their earliest years…just saying…)
Someone who has at least heard of Tim Conway (I love Tim Conway.)
Someone who doesn’t mind when I start rambling (you know those rabbit-hole off-topic rants I go into in my blog posts? I do that when I’m actually talking, too.)
Someone who enjoys the library.
Someone who dresses at least semi-classy (blazers, vests, slacks, long sleeve business shirts ect.,)
Someone with eyes of an unusual color (example: instead of a stale brown, either strikingly dark or a very light hazel. Instead of just blue, a pleasant silvery blue or green-blue.)
My favorite look on a guy is a grey, long sleeve v-neck sweater with the arms rolled up to the elbows and casual pants. (I have seen this look on two different guys I’ve had a brief crush on, and two others I didn’t care for, and it never fails to make me swoon…) So I am adding this to the list of non-essentials.
Someone who loves the cold and the rain.
Someone who loves going on walks…in the cold and the rain.
Well, honestly, I do feel better after that. It’s nice to see things in writing. Oh, that’s another non-essential, too, I would like it if he knew how to write.
According to a recent issue of Psychology Today, most commonly one’s beliefs on everything in life continue to morph and refine until our mid-twenties, and even then we spend the rest of our lives changing them little bit by little bit. So perhaps, some ten years from now when I’m twenty-seven I may need to make another set of lists if I’m not married by then… Gosh, ten years from now I’m only going to be twenty-seven? Not that I’m complaining at all, it’s just ten years sounds so long and yet I’ll be so young still… Alright, before I start rambling I will leave all of you be.
Until I Write Again,