A Review Of A Self (Specifically, My.)

Time and again I’ve read about the importance of knowing who you are before taking on a serious relationship and, of course, marriage. Since I’ve been having a nagging fear that I will never in a thousand years be ready for anybody, I have decided to make some lists. One is a list of things that I know for certain about myself (as you’ll see, it’s a bit choppy and confusing, it was surprisingly uncomfortable to write), one of things that I know that I want in somebody that I would be serious with, and a list of non-essentials that I’ve put on nearly every ‘prince charming’ list I’ve ever made.

What I Know About Myself:

I believe everyone screws up everyday.

I believe we give ourselves permission to be angry at times when we shouldn’t.

I’m scared of making someone miserable in a relationship.

I’m scared of getting hurt in a relationship.

I’m scared of thinking too highly of myself.

I believe that I’m smart.

I believe that I’m pretty.

I believe that, while I’m aware that I have uncountable faults (like anybody), I do have pure intentions, I have an understanding of who I am, what I’m for and what I want out of life, and I will always act on what is best for the people I care about. Because of this, I believe I’m worth pursuing.

I don’t curse. Ever. Because I think it would make me seem less ladylike, and I was raised to wince at the sound of a curse coming from my own mouth.

I always do what I know is right, but I’m always severely tempted to do what is selfish first and foremost.

I’m scared of dying.

Sometimes I lie to make it sound like I’m concerned about someone’s feelings when my mind is elsewhere entirely.

I know that I’m excellent at reading people, and profiling them. And, keeping with the pattern of honesty, I think I could become the best criminal profiler in the world (and be a lot less full of it than John Douglas…Yep, I read ‘Mind Hunter’, I was split in two between complete awe and admiration and total disgust and irritation.)

I think so far I’m starting to sound pretty arrogant. And I’m considering editing a few things so I appear more likeable. But those of you who know me best will read right through any edits, so I’m scared to try to falsify anything.

I believe in God.

What I Know I Want In A Husband:

Someone who is empathetic to those around him.

Someone with high morals and no criminal background.

Someone educated.

Someone with ambition, who has a goal he wants to fulfill in life, a career.

Someone who loves his work.

Someone who wants to have children, but is willing to wait for them.

Someone who doesn’t have a flaring temper (this one is essential.)

Someone who can blatantly tell me the truth about myself.

Someone who can easily forgive.

Someone who knows that money isn’t everything, and that it’s okay when you lose it all, as long as you don’t turn your back on the people who matter while you get back on your feet (my mother taught me this when we were living in a mobile home.)

Someone who knows who he is.

Someone with faith, a Christian.

Someone who can tell me when I’m wrong and not hold back (and not be hostile while they’re at it.)

Non-essentials Include:

Someone who reads the morning paper. Every morning.

Someone who knows his literature.

Someone who doesn’t mind my frequent hugging.

Someone with a routine. (Studies have shown that this sort of stability is essential for optimum psychological health in children during their earliest years…just saying…)

Someone who has at least heard of Tim Conway (I love Tim Conway.)

Someone who doesn’t mind when I start rambling (you know those rabbit-hole off-topic rants I go into in my blog posts? I do that when I’m actually talking, too.)

Someone who enjoys the library.

Someone who dresses at least semi-classy (blazers, vests, slacks, long sleeve business shirts ect.,)

Someone with eyes of an unusual color (example: instead of a stale brown, either strikingly dark or a very light hazel. Instead of just blue, a pleasant silvery blue or green-blue.)

My favorite look on a guy is a grey, long sleeve v-neck sweater with the arms rolled up to the elbows and casual pants. (I have seen this look on two different guys I’ve had a brief crush on, and two others I didn’t care for, and it never fails to make me swoon…) So I am adding this to the list of non-essentials.

Someone who loves the cold and the rain.

Someone who loves going on walks…in the cold and the rain.


Well, honestly, I do feel better after that. It’s nice to see things in writing. Oh, that’s another non-essential, too, I would like it if he knew how to write.

According to a recent issue of Psychology Today, most commonly one’s beliefs on everything in life continue to morph and refine until our mid-twenties, and even then we spend the rest of our lives changing them little bit by little bit. So perhaps, some ten years from now when I’m twenty-seven I may need to make another set of lists if I’m not married by then… Gosh, ten years from now I’m only going to be twenty-seven? Not that I’m complaining at all, it’s just ten years sounds so long and yet I’ll be so young still… Alright, before I start rambling I will leave all of you be.

Until I Write Again,



9 thoughts on “A Review Of A Self (Specifically, My.)

  1. Well, it certainly took a lot of courage to post something like this. I don’t think I would ever be able to publish something so… well, honest.

    I like to believe that I am honest with myself, but I have a terrible time being open and frank with other people. I see my problems as my own, and thus things that I can’t permit to become a bother to other people.

    But this kind of openness is absolutely essential, especially in a relationship. So, in that regard, you are well on your way.

    • I always feel a spike of panic as I click ‘publish’, because there’s still a part of my mind that thinks if I keep posting exactly what I think that people will stop reading or be downright annoyed. (I still want to delete 80% of my posts.)
      Yesterday I spent about two hours at the lake with Heather just talking about myself and what has been going on…Two. Hours. Two hours! Who on earth does that and isn’t completely self-absorbed? I especially felt guilty because this is my best friend who is extremely busy with school, work and planning a wedding (but then, I suppose you’d know something about having a busy best friend who is getting ready for a wedding.)
      I don’t know how honest I’m able to be with people outside of WordPress (and Heather.) There’s an invisible, defined line that we let determine the depth of conversation with the people that we know, and I don’t know many people that are willing to risk crossing the line and ending up with a negative result. Even if it’s just the guilt of sharing our burdens with others.

      It’s nice to see you haven’t vanished from the blogosphere, I was wondering where you went.

      • Yes, these circumstances certainly sound familiar. But I certainly don’t think that talking about your problems makes you self-absorbed. Incidentally, I had a long talk with Ian a few days ago (about an hour and a half), that initially started about him and his future, but somehow mysteriously turned to me and my current struggles. And you’re right, it certainly feels egotistic, and selfish to burden those you care about with your personal problems. But I learned something in that conversation: those closest to you want nothing more than to help.

        Granted, it is difficult. Exposure is painful, and we tend to question whether it was wise or completely irrational to share such things. But it hurts us and our friends even more when we just sit in silence and deal with it ourselves.

        So yes. Busy friends getting ready for their respective weddings can offer a great deal of help. 🙂

  2. Self inventory and goal list useful eval of who we are and where we want to go. An exercise that should be done every now and then.Honesty is important and some are unable to do that not because they are dishonest but others may not see us as we see ourselves but that is a different matter altogether. You may be setting yourself up for disappointments , however, as I see a lot of “want things to be optimal and perfect and inclusive of requirements. ” Your checkoff list for husband is a tough template to match. Merely honest, kind and responsible would be quite a catch. Yes the thoughts will change with the passage of time. At 62 now I am not even closely the same person as 20, 30, 40, or 50. After a delightful day today with 2 granddaughters I am so appreciative that I am not even the same person as yesterday.

    • As always, an interesting take, Carl 🙂
      Never fear, I won’t dismiss the thought of anybody simply because they don’t meet my ‘requirements’, I was hoping that writing the lists would help me figure out what I want out of a relationship. Certain characteristics, though, I know I could never handle in somebody, such as a temper, because my father has a short fuse, and after seeing the emotional strain my mother went through during the worst years, seeing that plain and simple fury on his face, like all reasoning with him was over and done with, all that existed in those moments was raw hatred, I know for a fact that I could never spend my life with someone like that. I’m not strong enough, nor do I have the patience for it.

      I recently stumbled upon a video of an interview with one of my favorite behavioral researchers, Allan Pease, and he said the difference between the millionaires and billionaires in the world, is that the billionaires bother to write out their plans of action, while the millionaires keep it all in their minds. This isn’t to say I wrote those lists as some sort of master plan to hook a billionaire, but a lot of my thinking is done in black and white on this blog. I will agree with you Carl, that by writing out what I want in somebody certainly makes me run the risk of being unfair, and all I can do, like anybody, is keep in mind that the lot of us are all human and all of us specialize in the art of making mistakes and taking too long to mop up the mess.

      On a side note, I’m sure you’re a fantastic grandfather, at least very interesting to talk to 🙂

  3. Priority&Default –
    I suppose I did phrase it a tad strongly, it’s just that Heather’s fiance left about a week ago for basic training in the Navy, and he won’t be back until two weeks before the wedding. Heather can be so selfless sometimes it’s maddening. I know she has the world on her shoulders and there I was talking about me.
    I know you’re right, though, on all counts.

  4. The list about yourself is true about most people. I know its true for myself and those I am friends with.

    Writing out a list is a great thing. When you find that special someone, look at the list and see how you both fare.

    🙂 I’ve found my someone, the only thing lacking is the athletic part and though he does dress up its not always.

    • Melanie!!! 😀
      That’s so exciting! Congratulations! You really deserve someone wonderful 🙂

      Thank you for the advice, and I’m happy to see you’re back to blogging again!

  5. Pingback: Better Than I Know Myself | The Last Classic

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