Tomorrow (well, today) me and Heather Madame will have a picnic at one of our favorite parks.
I’ve been trying for about four hours to sleep now, but, as it would appear, I’ve become rather accustomed to staying awake until about four thirty in the morning, so I have about an hour to type up this post before my systems decide to finally produce enough melatonin to let me sleep soundly.
Me and Heather Madame decided to dress up like we’re in the 1950’s, including styling our hair and doing our make-up like Doris Day or Lucille Ball, and the menu will include organic strawberries covered in Dolci Frutta chocolate dipping sauce…
At around this time last night I was sitting at my desk rereading a reply I had scrawled to my pen-pal, to be sent off when morning light hit. I set down the paper, leaned back in my chair and yawned. I don’t know what it is, but when it comes to yawning, my impulse is to at least bravely attempt to yawn like a lady, even when I’m alone. I glanced down and noticed the beam of my floor lamp hitting the cover of Football for Dummies. I rented the darn book so I could try to speak Josh’s language a bit better when I see him next. I smiled to myself out of the absurdity of it all and picked up the book, and, as always when it comes to subjects I know nothing about, I felt an annoying, stubborn resolve clench into existence that I would one day understand every angle of this which I do not know. This subject I cannot yet understand. This sport that has enraptured the hearts of many. Football, and all that it stands for. And then I remembered I still had all the other sports known to man to go, and I chuckled.
You’re not a sports person? He asked me once.
No, but mark my words I will be one day. I responded.
And I meant it, too.
A new part of me has become resolved to become something of an extraordinary person, because the more I find out about him, the more extraordinary I realize he is. It seems only fitting.
I flipped open to the first page, profiling the author with every paragraph. I didn’t like the fellow, he seemed a tad full of it. I flipped the book shut and set it down when my attention began to wander and sleep started to set in. But I didn’t go to sleep. I just sat there, and went over a favorite memory or two. I thought about how this room will just be a memory one day, when I’m in college, actively pursuing life for the first time on my own. I thought of how beautiful Heather’s wedding will be, how crazy it’s going to be when she’s pregnant! My best friend of five years, I feel like we grew up together, like we were just little kids when we first met. We’ve had some adventures the past few years, I can’t imagine both of us living…gulp…adult lives. I can’t imagine me and Heather being adults – I don’t think we’ll ever be grown up when we hang out. We give each other permission to be dumb and whiny and ranty and cheesy, something no one else in our lives fully, completely and entirely allows us to do. I hope I don’t forget that I won’t be seventeen forever, or eighteen, or nineteen. Especially since the day that I wake up and there’s a two in front of my age will come up faster than I’ll ever be ready for. Twenty?? It sounds so…young. Like I’ll be just a kid. And yet so old, because it seems so far away.
Age scares me, because there is so much life ahead of me if I avoid walking into the street without looking both ways. My entire life is right there, outside my front door every morning, all of the possibilities out there, in this giant world with trillions of interesting people I can meet. I want to do things that are defining, and build a reputation for doing the unusual.
I suppose I’m trying to become the sort of person that isn’t afraid of asking stupid questions.