An Odd Sort Of Loneliness


Image by julietteculver via Flickr

Have you ever written, knowing from the start that the words have nowhere to go? You’ve created no endgame, there is no goal or point or even a mental outline. No lessons to describe because as far as you know you haven’t learned a thing.

I suppose I simply feel like writing tonight – I had a bit of an idea in my head, several really, I even thought of an opening sentence that would have been a tad interesting (or at least intriguing enough to keep someone reading a bit longer…)

Often lately I find that, typically in the dead of night I have a sudden need to talk to somebody – to start a conversation with no intent of leading it anywhere, just talking to talk and hear their voice. I love listening to people talk, I like falling asleep with the television on downstairs because I enjoy listening to people on the news discuss trivial and monumental things. Sometimes I wish I could just call Olga or Heather at two ‘o clock in the morning, because I want to listen to someone talk, and talk to them. It’s a really a bizarre sort of loneliness, when you think about it. And it very typically comes about in the wee small hours when I’m most alone – which is odd, usually when it’s very late I enjoy solitude because the world seems so silent and peaceful. But even now I simply want to talk to somebody. For a moment I could wish that this was for some poetic reason – perhaps the need to feel a human connection through verbal discussion while I contemplate my loneliness in the silent hours of chaotic days.

No, though.

I just want to talk to someone sometimes – just because.




9 thoughts on “An Odd Sort Of Loneliness

  1. It’s human nature to crave a human connection. Why it hits us at bizarre hours or at inconvenient times is a mystery. I think we’ve all experienced it.

  2. I am fortunate that I have hardly ever had that experience of waking up in the night, wanting to hear a human voice, but I have experienced loneliness many times, and believe it or not, being on Twitter sometimes helps, as there is always someone about. Not quite the same as hearing a human voice, I know…

    P.S Whenever you want to sit down and write, go ahead and do it, doesn’t matter if the idea doesn’t come to fruition, just write and see where things go. 🙂

    • Thank you for the advice, Madame Alannah 🙂 Even if I no longer feel in my heart I’m meant for writing fiction to publish, I still consider myself, in a sense, a writer, and as such I should not hinder any creative impulse that comes about.
      I shut down my Twitter about two months ago because I made the mistake of ‘following’ a friend of mine from The Center (my school) and while Madame Alicia (known in my posts as ‘Claire’ the barista) is certainly not a gossip, I didn’t want to risk the discovery of my blog, and so I thought it safe to not simply stop following her, as this might offend her, but to shut down the account entirely. But it was great fun while it lasted 🙂

  3. I don’t know if it’s some sort of karmic reminder of how not proud I should be of my less-than-shiny nature, but the more my vocal cords get uncooperative (when my spasmodic dysphonia kicks in, and right now, post-treatment), the more I hide from conversational situations and relish silence. Probably proof of what a terrible *listener* I am, shame on me!

    The time when I DO get that need-to-hear-a-voice is always at its most intense when my husband has an out of town trip and I can’t go along. Big surprise! So I do at least know exactly what you’re talking about. 😉

    • Madame, even if you are not verbally hearing my voice, you still take the time to listen to my words and respond with your own thoughts, this is enough and far more for me 🙂
      It is fantastic that you can relate, thank you for telling me – it’s (I say it again) bizarre to me, because it makes very little sense…

  4. writing or scribbling, for whatever non-reason – there is a depth or reflection we must do… so do this often – if you ever discover the reason why, you’ll find it no longer necessary to do… been there, still there!

    btw …you are aware of some very impressive dead guys – interesting

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